What Happens After You Die

Checklist for the End of the World

God is Dead

New York (AP): Police today found God Jesus and his Mother Mary brutily shot in his upper east-side apartment. Police say they suspect it was either a mob revenge killing or a drug deal gone bad.

now get over it!

Christ Meets Godzilla

Jesus meets Godzilla on the Sea of Galilee. Boat gets trashed. No survivors.

Jesus Christ's Stunt Double

Yea, it's got it's advantages... I'll never get lung cancer.

What is Christianity?

The belief that a cosmic Jewish zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree� yeah, that makes perfect sense to me.

What Religion Does To You

Cheating SC Gov says God will "Make Him Better"

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, still clinging to office after admitting to an extramarital affair, wrote in an opinion piece released Sunday that God will change him so he can emerge from the scandal a more humble and effective leader.

So God will change him? Into what??

A bigger dick then he already is?
A better lier so he wont get caught again?
A circus clown so no one will recognize him in SC? (wait, that doesn't work anymore)
A heap of gelatinous goo?

I vote for Goo!

Remember When These Christians Prayed To This Golden Bull?

These supposed Christians made a mockery of their faith in October 2008, when they cavorted about this golden idol of mammon, the Molten Calf of Wall Street, because obviously the best way to head off a global recession is to sing "God Bless America" to a statue of an animal. What has happened since these idolaters demanded that Jesus fix the stock markets? Let's take a look!



So, while it may be impossible to time a market, it�s a pretty good bet that when fundamentalist conservative Christians are praying to a golden bull, you should pretty much move all your stocks and bonds to cash for at least six months!

Original Story posted: Wednesday, October 29, 2008 http://www.sushibandit.com/2008/10/jesus-people-pray-that-false-idol-will.html

Jesus People Pray That False Idol Will Save God�s Economy

Did you know that some Christian dingbat has dubbed today the �Day of Prayer for the World�s Economies?�

Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, �We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the �Lion�s Market,� or God�s control over the economic systems.�

Don�t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh?