Why I'm Not a Ventriloquist

This dummy would give me nightmares!

Robot Discovers Fire

The Interview

A Conversation

Gator and Child

Proof that Smoking Stunts Your Growth

Bill, age 70 has been a 2 pack a day smoker since he was 4.

Why Race Horses Scare Me

Scarred for life!

Nudists Teasing Small Puppy

This has to be the weirdest nudist photo ever. The poor puppy cant see it's mother. Dam you, you Evil Sun Worshipers!

Why Silent Movies Scare Me

I Love My New Kitchen

Electrostatic Effects on the Brain

Its a good time to turn off your cell phone...

How Cats Work

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An Infinite Wormhole

So what we have here is an infinite wormhole. There is no end, no bottom, and no up or down. If you look at it for awhile you will first gain a greater understanding of our mysterious universe, then you'll puke.

Opps!

I broke her!

Your Art Video for the Day

this video is cool! watch it in full screen mode.

My Neighbors

click it...

Nine Odd Bunnies

Take a Saturday stroll...

"Hi" My Name is Clairance

Clairance the Claw!

Lego Porn

It's Alive!

Surfs Up?

bottom line... your fucked..

So, Where Are The Sleeves?

Strange but Alluring Photo

OK, we have a pretty topless bouffant blond in stockings and high heals perched over an empty porcelain bathtub in the middle of the Joshua tree desert.

I know this is suppose to mean something... but it escapes me right now.

Analog Clock

Why I don't go to Sea

Pass

Fine Tuning a Woman

Why I'm Not a Ventriloquist

This shit is spooky... the guy is passed out at the bar!

Magic Scarf Trick

David Blaine, eat your heart out..

Swim Suit?

The Anti-Mickey

What's Next?

Tea flavored Beer?

Emo Philips: Word of Wisdom

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

I discovered my wife in bed with another man. I was crushed. So I said, �Get off me, you two!�

I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

My ex-girlfriend was very sexy. She reminded me of the Sphinx because she was very mysterious and eternal and solid ... and her nose was shot off by French soldiers.

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Question: Would You Date This Girl?

Question: Will the Car Stop?

Things a Lion Can Do

Click on the pix to make it bigger....

Girl and Octopus

This painting just struck me... what is it trying to say? Yes, it is an embrace with overt sexual overtones. It has an almost classical japanese feel. Is it contemporary piece? Is it based on a story I dont know about? Is it mythology? your guess is as good as mine!

P.S. click it to make it bigger...

Alien Fashion

Cod labeled air traffic hazard

Norway's Civil Aviation Administration Avinor has accused cod (fish) of threatening flight safety in Svolv�r.

Avinor, which owns Svolv�r Airport, wants no part of plans to have live cod in enclosures in the vicinity of the runway. "The probability of a collision between planes and sea birds will increase dramatically," Avinor said at a hearing. Avinor's airport chief at Svolv�r, Bj�rn Opsahl, believes the cod will be a temptation for birds, and that feeding the fish would also attract the birds in numbers.

Local businesses had hoped to cooperate by putting live Lofoten cod in enclosures in order to increase profitability by being able to deliver fresh cod all year round.

"It sounds a bit strange that gulls and other sea birds are going eat such big fish," said Ole Osland at L. Berg S�nner.

Pork choc on the menu in Ukraine

Dasha Khabarova prods the 's' shaped chocolate bar in front of her. You can understand why she's in no rush to eat it - the Ukrainian student has just been served pork fat covered in chocolate.

"It's salty on the inside and very sweet on the outside. It's unusual yes, but it's completely disgusting," says Dasha. Forget deep-fried Mars bar. One of the unhealthiest snacks in the world can now be found in Ukraine. For years people here have loved pork fat, known as salo. Normally, small slices of the white fat are eaten with black bread, raw garlic and vodka. But this new twist is designed to appeal to Ukraine's love of all things fatty.

For the equivalent of �1 you can now get four small sticks of salo covered in chocolate at Kiev's poshest Ukrainian restaurant. "Our head chef likes to experiment so now we have this new creation." says Roman Novitski, the manager of Tsarske Selo restaurant. "It's turned out quite well, and most people seem to like it."

"I love it as it's unusual. I was given the first serving of Lviv's chocolate salo. Perhaps they were testing my bravery, but I ate it and I'm still alive!" Ruslana laughs. "It's the worst combination you could have. I think that people should steer clear of the Ukrainian Snickers." The former Soviet republic already has one of the highest death rates from heart disease in Europe.

Iranian woman 'gives birth to frog'

...Amazing what the BBC will report!

An Iranian newspaper has reported the controversial story of a woman who claims to have given birth to a frog. The Iranian daily Etemaad says the creature is believed to have grown from larva to an adult frog inside her body.

While it is unclear how this could have happened, the paper carries quotes from medical experts who say there are human characteristics to the animal.

It has been speculated that the woman, who has not been named, unknowingly picked up the larva while she was swimming in a dirty pool. The woman, from the south-eastern city of Iranshahr, is a mother of two children.

The "so-called frog", as the newspaper puts it, has yet to undergo precise genetic and anatomic tests. But it quotes clinical biology expert Dr Aminifard as saying: "The similarities are in appearance, the shape of the fingers and the size and shape of the tongue."

Cream Made from Breast Milk Reduces Warts

BOSTON - A cream made from human breast milk and nicknamed Hamlet can dramatically reduce, and often eliminate, stubborn common warts, Swedish doctors reported. Human Alpha-lactalbumin Made Lethal to Tumor cells, which the researchers refer to by the whimsical acronym HAMLET, is the active ingredient that forces the wart cell to self-destruct by accumulating in each cell's nucleus and interfering with its control process.

The results, published in Thursday's New England Journal of Medicine, may extend well beyond wart treatment because the same class of viruses that cause those growths are also responsible for cervical cancer, genital warts, and some types of skin cancer.

Since doctors can cheaply eliminate warts by freezing, the new cream "will probably never be able to compete with existing inexpensive therapies for cutaneous viral warts," said Jan Bouwes Bavinck and Mariet Feltkamp of Leiden University Medical Center.

�I can see the dairy now!

Imposter wife gets man divorced

OSAKA - A man apparently had a woman posing as his wife attend a court session in order to divorce his wife without her consent, sources close to the case said Monday. After realizing that a divorce had been registered, the wife asked the court to retry the case, demanding that the divorce be nullified.

The husband faces charges of false declaration in an official document, according to legal experts. However, an official of the court refused to comment on how to respond to the case. A woman posing as the man's wife attended the first hearing held earlier this month. The woman was carrying an official document on the arbitration sent to the address of his real wife.

The divorce took effect after the man and his "wife" agreed to break up during the court session. However, the man's real wife filed a petition with the court, demanding that their divorce be nullified. "The divorce took effect without my consent," she said in her petition.

Police inspector in hot water for clubbing sleepy sergeant

A police inspector faces punishment for hitting a sergeant on the head with a truncheon after finding officers napping at a police box during working hours, it has been learned.

The Metropolitan Police Department is questioning the 54-year-old inspector, whose name has been withheld, over the incident. He has reportedly admitted overstepping his authority."I was offering instructions, but I went too far. I'm sorry," the inspector was quoted as saying.

Investigators said the inspector called on a police box outside Akabane Police Station in Tokyo's Kita-ku shortly before 9 a.m. on Feb. 12. Officers at the police box were supposed to have been working outside that morning, but the inspector found two officers napping.

"When the inspector told them off, a 52-year-old sergeant stood in front of him and attempted to offer an explanation, but the inspector pulled out a 70-centimeter-long truncheon and clubbed the sergeant on the head.

The sergeant was taken to a hospital for examination, but he was not injured in the incident. The inspector was transferred from his position in May. Police said they would punish the inspector after deciding whether to form a case against him.

Fallen woman escapes death after train passes overhead

OSAKA -- A woman miraculously escaped death after she fell off a platform onto the tracks and an express train passed over the top of her.

Police said the 40-year-old woman fell 1 meter from a platform at Rinku Town station on the JR Kansai Airport Line moments before a limited express train rushed pass the station. The driver of the train, which was traveling from Kansai International Airport to Kyoto Station, slammed on the emergency brakes, but was unable to stop in time and passed over the woman.

The woman had fallen between the rails of the track and suffered a scratch on her hand when the train passed overhead, but escaped major injury. Local police officials said the woman had dropped one of her belongings, and when she bent down to pick it up she became nauseated and toppled over onto the tracks.

The width of the tracks was about 1 meter. There was a gap of about 30 centimeters between the ground and the bottom of the train, and the woman had fallen face down on the tracks, police said.

New Years Short Bits

A former Miss Venezuela was released by kidnappers after they got her to autograph 15 calendars featuring nude pictures of her. Veruska Ramirez was kidnapped in her car in Valencia for three hours, but was released after the thieves found the calendars in the car.

About 400 Spaniards have snapped up half the tickets for a week's nudist cruise around the Mediterranean on the Flamenco in June. Tickets cost up to $2600. Nudity will be banned in the ship's restaurant, and the crew will have to be dressed at all times.

A middle-aged transvestite has been arrested after he was caught trying to steal a nurse's uniform from a hospital staff changing room, police said. Fumio Suzuki, 47, was arrested for theft after he eluded the first hospital official who spotted him, but was unable to get away from another employee who chased him down in the hospital parking lot, as he was clad in high-heels and a miniskirt.

An Indian taxi driver and his wife have gained fame by driving everywhere in reverse. Harpreet Devi started driving backwards when his car got stuck in reverse and he had to drive 55 kilometres home. He and his wife, Krishna, now drive in reverse at up to 40km/h.

The chief vegetable taster of a British supermarket chain has become a pariah among his colleagues. Tesco's Tony Vaughan says they have insisted he sit near an open window while he is on his current diet of five kilograms of Brussels sprouts a week.

I bet he thinks his job is �a gas�

New Zealander bungee jumps - without rope

A New Zealand man went bungee jumping yesterday - without the rope, police said. The 30-year-old man, whose name was not released, leapt off a platform into the Waikato River on New Zealand's central North Island after staff at the bungee had refused to let him jump, said Constable Tracey Haggart of Taupo police.

He then barged past the staff and dived 47 metres into the river. The impact knocked him unconscious and he was rescued by the bungee jump staff before being flown to nearby Taupo hospital, Haggart said in a statement. His condition was not immediately available. Taupo is a tourist town 375 kilometres north of Wellington. Haggart said police had no plans to charge the man, who had consumed "a small amount of alcohol."

Arrested lecturer uses twin brother as stand-in student counselor

KUMAMOTO -- A former university lecturer arrested and charged with drug possession used his twin brother as a stand-in to counsel troubled students, despite the brother having no qualifications, it has been learned.

Furious Kumamoto Prefectural Education officials plan to file a criminal complaint with police against the former lecturer, Yujiro Sonoda, and his twin brother, accusing them of fraud. "These were actions that trampled on the feelings of troubled students," an education official said. "They defamed education. It was extremely malicious and we therefore decided to file a criminal complaint."

Despite knowing about the fraud, however, the principal did not report the incident to the Prefectural Board of Education for months. The Prefectural Education Board also paid him 260,000 yen.

Stroke causes accent change

An American woman developed a British accent after suffering a stroke, although she had never been to Britain or followed British TV programs. When Tiffany Roberts, 57, recovered from the stroke she found she had an accent placed somewhere between East London and the West Country.

Even the pitch of her voice changed, becoming much higher than the deep Indiana drawl she once had. The dramatic change was even more surprising because she had no links with Britain of any sort. Doctors have diagnosed her with a rare condition called foreign accent syndrome, which is caused when part of the brain is damaged.

Roberts, from Florida, told American television: "People started asking me 'where in England are you from?' and a friend said 'why are you talking that way?' "That's when I became conscious that a part of me had died." Roberts has even picked up British slang using the word "bloody". What was once a "restroom" or "bathroom" has become the "loo".

Roberts has lived with the condition since her stroke in 1999 but decided to speak out now in search of other people who may be in the same situation. She said people accused her of lying or trying to be aloof by adopting the accent. Despite listening to a tape of her previous voice, she has been unable to mimic it.

Dr Jack Ryalls, of the University of Central Florida, who diagnosed Roberts' condition, described the change as a "phenomenon". It is linked to the damage caused to brain tissue during a stroke, but not fully understood, he said. Only a handful of cases of foreign accent syndrome have ever been reported.

The first recorded case was in 1941, when a Norwegian woman suffered a shrapnel injury to the head during an air raid. After overcoming language problems she was left with a strong German accent. In 1999 a woman from Sevenoaks, Kent, developed a French accent after a minor stroke even though she did not speak French and had only visited the country once for a weekend in Paris.

I wonder if she eating French Fries when it happened?

Nut rolling stunt artist in breakfast endurance test

Update to my October 06 and my September 18, 2003 Blog's

A wacky artist will spend 12 days in a bath full of baked beans, with chips shoved up his nose and 48 sausages wrapped around his head, in a bizarre tribute to the full English breakfast.

Mark McGowan, 37, began his stunt in the shop window of the House Gallery near his home in Camberwell in south London. "We don't support our culture enough, so I thought I'd celebrate a part of it by turning myself into a traditional English breakfast," the artist said. His aim is to spend eight hours a day, for 12 days, in the bean bath.

"I suppose I am the British alternative to David Blaine but sitting in a plastic box is nothing compared to what I will be doing," he said. He was referring to Blaine's bizarre stunt where he spent 44 days of voluntary starvation locked in a glass box next to the River Thames.

McGowan first hit the headlines earlier this year when he used his nose to push a nut 11km through London to 10 Downing Street to protest against student debt.

Stuck by the tip of her tongue

A Russian teenager has ended up with frostbite after scalding her tongue while drinking a cup of tea. In a panic, the 13-year-old girl opened the freezer and placed her burning tongue on the ice to cool it down, but it stuck to the appliance.

Her frantic parents called an ambulance after failing to pry her tongue loose, a local news agency, Delfi, reported. Paramedics managed to free the girl, but discovered she had suffered severe frostbite and took her to hospital. Doctors managed to save the girl's tongue after several hours of treatment.

I wonder what she would have done if she had started with an Icee??

More Short Stuff!

A German man who survived five days in the Alps in freezing temperatures by eating snow has been fired because he missed work. The company said: "We hired him as a consultant for a one-year project and he is already behind deadline."

An underwear company has made a bra that it says will help women quit smoking due to perfumed capsules that ease withdrawal symptoms. The capsules contain lavender, which has sedative properties, and jasmine, which alters the taste of cigarettes.

A supermarket in southern China has required its workers to each kill at least five flies every day, forbidding them to go home until the quota is met, a news report said today. The rule has been introduced to improve hygiene at the supermarket in Guangzhou's Baiyun district, according to the South China Morning Post.

Short Stuff

Police in Yalta, Ukraine, have arrested a man caught with a gun and a cabbage he intended to use as a silencer. "Our officers just shrugged their shoulders, smiling, as they've never seen cabbage used as a silencer before," a police spokeswoman said.

A disabled man on his honeymoon was not allowed on a flight in Chile because the pilot thought his artificial hand could be used as a weapon. The man offered to leave the offending hand behind, but was still not allowed to board.

A Romanian man who spent 11 years in his basement trying to avoid an eight-year jail sentence has been arrested. The man, 31, was sentenced for trying to kill one of his neighbours. "I hid under the house and went out only a few times for food supplies," he said.

A Missouri motorist stopped by police threatened to sue them under copyright laws if they wrote down his name. Daniel Smith said his name was copyrighted, and every time it appeared on a document he would launch a $US300,000 lawsuit.

Women Sue After Finding Condom In Chowder

SANTA ANA, Calif. -- Four women sued an Irvine restaurant after one of them said she found a condom in her clam chowder when they dined there last year. Laila Sultan said she was eating at McCormick & Schmick's Seafood Restaurant on Feb. 26, 2002, when she bit into something rubbery.

"We said, 'Of course. You're chewing on a clam,'" said Paula Wild, one of her dining companions. When she spit it out, Sultan, 48, said she discovered it was an unwrapped, rolled-up condom. She said she spent the next 15 minutes in a restroom vomiting and has since seen a psychiatrist and taken medication for depression and anxiety.

Sultan, Wild, Cindy Hammond and Annamarie Sigala, who were all having the clam chowder that day, filed suit, claiming negligence and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Their case is scheduled for trial Jan. 12. McCormick & Schmick's, a privately owned chain, owns 42 upscale restaurants in 19 states.

How could a condom get into the chowder? It's a mystery, Patrick Stark, attorney for McCormick & Schmick's, told the Los Angeles Times. The restaurant sued American Roland Food Corp., which supplied the clams, but a judge ruled for the supplier in September, according to The Times. At the forthcoming trial, the restaurant chain will argue that "there is absolutely no evidence to suggest the restaurant was the source of the condom, or any employee of the restaurant," Stark told The Times.

"Either it came from (the four women) or it was thrown in as a practical joke by another patron at the restaurant." The condom was seized by the restaurant manager, the women said, adding that he told them the insurance company had instructed him not to return it or let them photograph it. The women's lawsuit says the condom was "a possibly used one," but Stark told The Times that, because it was rolled up, "it was clearly unused."

Sultan, who lives in Stanton, said she had visited the restaurant before and never had a problem. On this occasion, she said, she and her companions ordered drinks, appetizers and soup, but sent the soup back because it was lukewarm. When she got it back she found the condom.

Groom agrees to marry bride's handicapped sister

A groom has agreed to marry his bride's handicapped elder sister in a double wedding ceremony next month, saying it was an act of humanity to ensure the older woman was taken care of. The sisters are happy, and so is their father, The Asian Age newspaper reported from northern Uttar Pradesh state in India. But the groom's family worries that he may not be able to support two wives on his 2500 rupee ($78) a month salary as a courier.

"When my father sent a marriage proposal for Ragini, her father put forward a precondition," the paper quoted Amar Verma as saying. "He said he would agree to my marrying Ragini only if I also agreed to marry her elder sister, Preeti, who happens to be physically challenged." Mr Verma said he had spoken to Preeti, 21, and Ragini, 18, and had "developed a liking for both".

The groom's father, Ram Swarup Verma, said: "We viewed the situation from a humanitarian point of view. Preeti is confined to a wheelchair and it would be difficult for her to fend for herself. Preeti reportedly said, "I never imagined that I could ever get married, but he has made my dream come true."

The newspaper quoted lawyers as saying that the marriage on November 25 would probably not be challenged, as there was no aggrieved party and it would be difficult to prove which was the second marriage, since both women were being married at the same time.

Take note of this last sentence my Mormon friends!

Man nabbed for 1,300 fake emergency calls in 1 month

NAGASAKI -- A man who made over 1,300 prank emergency phone calls to police in one month to vent his pent-up feelings has been arrested, law enforcers said.The man, Kazuya Nishimoto, 41, was arrested by Nagasaki Prefectural Police for obstructing officials from carrying out their duties. He has reportedly admitted making the false emergency calls."I did it to vent my frustrations," he was quoted by police as saying.

Police said Nishimoto began making prank emergency calls from about February last year. In August this year, he was allegedly making between about 30 and 120 calls a day, and more than 1,300 were reportedly recorded in one month, before his arrest on Wednesday.Between 8:24 p.m. and 11:01 p.m. on Aug. 26, he made 98 fake calls to police from his mobile phone, saying things like, "I've been stabbed," and "I've got drugs," investigators said.

Smoking snapshot sparks brawl

KAWASAKI -- A man has been arrested after he bashed another man because he took a photo of him as he illegally smoked on a train station platform, police said Monday. Hiroshi Matsumoto was arrested for assault after allegedly unleashing an attack that left 42-year-old Taro Goto with a broken nose.

Matsumoto, 25, admits to the allegations. "I was just furious when he took my photo, so I thumped him. Police said Goto admonished Matsumoto for smoking on the platform while the pair waited for a Tokyu Denentoshi Line train. Matsumoto ignored the older man's warnings, so Goto took out his camera-equipped mobile phone and took a photo of the younger man.

I told you� Cell Phones ARE dangerous!

Update of my Thursday, September 18 Blog

Mark McGowan, the English artist who rolled a peanut 11 kilometres with his nose, now plans to sit in a shop window for 12 days in a bath of baked beans, with chips up his nose and sausages wrapped around his head - all to defend the traditional English breakfast!

This "Bacon Head" must have read my Tuesday, August 19 Blogg too!

Goldfish catching superstar netted in cheating scandal

Nara, Japan -- A corrupt superstar has rocked the foundations of the National Goldfish Dipper Catching Federation after he was caught cheating during the fledgling sport's recent national championship.

The 53-year-old Saitama Prefecture man who has recently dominated the sport was stripped of the team title he won and banned from goldfish dipper competitions for life after he admitted to using an illegal dipper he had secreted away instead of the officially sanctioned paper type. A competitor who videotaped the national record holder during the 9th National Ladle Goldfish Catching Championship to try and learn the secrets of his success inadvertently caught the top dipper using the illegal ladle on camera, leading to his demise. Shaken National Goldfish Dipper Catching Federation officials said the man's ouster from the sport was the only real option available to them."We're truly sorry. We made the decision because we want to maintain the meaning and integrity of the competition as one that abides by its rules and is perfectly fair to all," federation Chairman and Yamatokoriyama Mayor Kiyoshi Ueda said. "We want to try and make the competition as fair as possible so that we don't destroy children's dreams."

Federation officials said the national championships have an individual and team competition. This year's national titles attracted 1,862 competitors from 33 of Japan's 47 prefectures. Competitors use a paper dipper they scoop through a baby pool to catch as many goldfish as possible in a 3-minute period. Before each contest, a judge will show competitors a handful of dippers and they can choose whichever one they like best. During the team competition, the Saitama superstar of goldfish catching, taking part in the team event for the first time ever, used his own dipper instead of one offered by the judge. His three-member team went on to capture the national title, snaring 138 fish in their allotted period. Twice a national individual champion, the Saitama superstar goldfish catcher has taken part in all but one of the 10 national competitions.

His technique is renowned in dipper catching circles and he nearly always attracts a crowd when he competes. With the superstar's confession in hand, a meeting of the federation's board of directors decided to strip his team of the national title and take away the all expenses paid trip to Hawaii that came with it. The superstar was also issued with a lifetime ban. His teammates said they had no idea he had been cheating.

Is nothing sacred?

Blow-up bride proved deadly

A Brazilian man who considered an inflatable puppet his "bride" killed his parents because they demanded he divorce her, media reports said today.

The 44-year-old unemployed man apparently confessed to the crime, which occurred on Saturday, after a long interrogation by police in a suburb of Sao Paulo city, a police spokesman said. "The man thought the doll was a human being, called her his bride and talked to her," an acquaintance of the family was quoted as saying. But his parents, who were religious, demanded he separate from the doll.

When the mother took scissors and cut holes in the man's "bride", the man strangled and stabbed his father, age 70, and mother, age 71. "My parents didn't love me and didn't understand me," the man was quoted as saying.